Dear Future Step Mom to My Children,
I am writing this to express my sincerest feelings. It's been nearly a year since I heard about you and it's been nearly a year, my world, as I knew it, shattered. It's easy to point blame and it's easy to be angry at you. I blamed you for stealing my ex husbands heart but as they say, time heals all wounds. My eyes were opened that you can't steal something that never belonged to someone to begin with. My ex husband is a good man and was as good as he could be to me as his wife. I had my own demons I battled daily and he just didn't know how to take care of me anymore. I made him miserable from time to time and I didn't live up to his expectations as to what a wife should be. Somewhere along the way we fell out of love and only tolerated each other for the sake of our children. It doesn't mean we are both horrible people, it just means we were horrible for each other. I just want you to know I hurt very deeply by how you both handled things. I didn't fight for our marriage to survive because of love, but I did so because it was the right thing to do. Marriage is sacred and many take it for granted these days. It isn't the fairy tale we grow up believing in. Many times I found myself angered, bitter, and running from the comfort Christ wanted to give. It wasn't until I sat at Jesus feet, weeping for the comfort of my familiar life to return, that I was reminded of God's everlasting mercy. He is faithful and just to forgive our sin, but we are to ask. This particular moment in prayer I was shown that even adultery is forgivable and being a woman of God, I am not only required, but obligated to forgive you both. I hope you accept my apology for lashing out against you, as I was immature in handling the situation. I allowed my emotions to overrule my ability to act appropriately. Many would say I had every right to retaliate, but in Gods eyes I didn't.
I must admit, it was hard losing him to you. That's because I was selfish. I would have rather held on to something that was broken than admit I couldn't be the one to fix it. Now, I see it was all a part of Gods plan. For years we were unhappy and things continuously separated us more and more. Our lack of happiness fueled our frustration and problems were added daily to our lives. I would pray and pray asking God to help and make me a better wife. I would pray to be loving and compassionate. I prayed for years to change and be everything my ex husband wanted and needed. Finally, seeing me change into someone I am not, and him stay the same I started asking God to remove him from my life if he was never going to change. It's much deeper than what I could ever write, but God knew my request and knew my heart was sincere. We could no longer live the way we were but I refused to be the one to be at fault or be the one to give up. So I did what I have been taught...take it to Jesus and trust Him to handle it.
I owe you and my ex a great amount of gratitude. At the time I didn't see the rainbow in my storm. Now it's so clear. The decisions made did nothing but make me a better person. It pushed me to work hard and see the potential in me. I suffered with depression our entire marriage and was so hard on myself because I never felt good enough and I hated not being able to contribute any more than what I did. He seems very happy with you in his life. I never seen him smile so much before. You are financially stable and work hard so it makes a brand new start easy for you both. He deserves someone who can meet that need in him. You are confident and beautiful. I am sure you compliment each other well. I have no shame in admitting you 'won' so to speak. You both are amazing and deserve an opportunity to fulfill what dreams you have, together. I know that in Gods timing I will find that one who completes me just as beautifully.
Right now, God is teaching me strength and patience. I do not hate you in any way. I can't hate someone that my children love so much. They are thrilled to have you and your daughter in their life! They always have wonderful things to say about their visits and how good you are to them. That's my only care, that they are in good hands. I hope and pray that in time we can actually commune and be civil, without tension. It is only right, in case we must meet to pick up or drop off the kids. There is absolutely no reason that we shouldn't act adult. It will only better things for the children. They will see that even in difficult moments, we CAN forgive and love one another as Christ commands. I wish you both a happy marriage and pray all the blessings in life your way. Just like I told my ex, he deserves happiness and you seem to give him that. I failed miserably on that end, but we did have good times and have our children to remind us that love has enough room for extended families!
With Love and Blessings,
Emily
I am writing this to express my sincerest feelings. It's been nearly a year since I heard about you and it's been nearly a year, my world, as I knew it, shattered. It's easy to point blame and it's easy to be angry at you. I blamed you for stealing my ex husbands heart but as they say, time heals all wounds. My eyes were opened that you can't steal something that never belonged to someone to begin with. My ex husband is a good man and was as good as he could be to me as his wife. I had my own demons I battled daily and he just didn't know how to take care of me anymore. I made him miserable from time to time and I didn't live up to his expectations as to what a wife should be. Somewhere along the way we fell out of love and only tolerated each other for the sake of our children. It doesn't mean we are both horrible people, it just means we were horrible for each other. I just want you to know I hurt very deeply by how you both handled things. I didn't fight for our marriage to survive because of love, but I did so because it was the right thing to do. Marriage is sacred and many take it for granted these days. It isn't the fairy tale we grow up believing in. Many times I found myself angered, bitter, and running from the comfort Christ wanted to give. It wasn't until I sat at Jesus feet, weeping for the comfort of my familiar life to return, that I was reminded of God's everlasting mercy. He is faithful and just to forgive our sin, but we are to ask. This particular moment in prayer I was shown that even adultery is forgivable and being a woman of God, I am not only required, but obligated to forgive you both. I hope you accept my apology for lashing out against you, as I was immature in handling the situation. I allowed my emotions to overrule my ability to act appropriately. Many would say I had every right to retaliate, but in Gods eyes I didn't.
I must admit, it was hard losing him to you. That's because I was selfish. I would have rather held on to something that was broken than admit I couldn't be the one to fix it. Now, I see it was all a part of Gods plan. For years we were unhappy and things continuously separated us more and more. Our lack of happiness fueled our frustration and problems were added daily to our lives. I would pray and pray asking God to help and make me a better wife. I would pray to be loving and compassionate. I prayed for years to change and be everything my ex husband wanted and needed. Finally, seeing me change into someone I am not, and him stay the same I started asking God to remove him from my life if he was never going to change. It's much deeper than what I could ever write, but God knew my request and knew my heart was sincere. We could no longer live the way we were but I refused to be the one to be at fault or be the one to give up. So I did what I have been taught...take it to Jesus and trust Him to handle it.
I owe you and my ex a great amount of gratitude. At the time I didn't see the rainbow in my storm. Now it's so clear. The decisions made did nothing but make me a better person. It pushed me to work hard and see the potential in me. I suffered with depression our entire marriage and was so hard on myself because I never felt good enough and I hated not being able to contribute any more than what I did. He seems very happy with you in his life. I never seen him smile so much before. You are financially stable and work hard so it makes a brand new start easy for you both. He deserves someone who can meet that need in him. You are confident and beautiful. I am sure you compliment each other well. I have no shame in admitting you 'won' so to speak. You both are amazing and deserve an opportunity to fulfill what dreams you have, together. I know that in Gods timing I will find that one who completes me just as beautifully.
Right now, God is teaching me strength and patience. I do not hate you in any way. I can't hate someone that my children love so much. They are thrilled to have you and your daughter in their life! They always have wonderful things to say about their visits and how good you are to them. That's my only care, that they are in good hands. I hope and pray that in time we can actually commune and be civil, without tension. It is only right, in case we must meet to pick up or drop off the kids. There is absolutely no reason that we shouldn't act adult. It will only better things for the children. They will see that even in difficult moments, we CAN forgive and love one another as Christ commands. I wish you both a happy marriage and pray all the blessings in life your way. Just like I told my ex, he deserves happiness and you seem to give him that. I failed miserably on that end, but we did have good times and have our children to remind us that love has enough room for extended families!
With Love and Blessings,
Emily
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